A scary reality of our world today is divorce, and whether that affects you or your friends, it’s wide reaching and devastating. While I can’t speak from first-hand experience about divorce, I know of friends who have or are going through painful family situations.
Maybe you’re in a similar situation. It can be really scary and intimidating to try to approach them in this stage of life they’re in, isn’t it? I know I’m always worried at first that I won’t be sensitive enough, say the right things, or encourage them in the way they need it most. I know that they’re hurting, and I can’t seem to do anything about it.
But here’s
the deal; it’s okay if you don’t always
have the right thing to say. My
friends have testified to this fact. Be
willing to just LISTEN. 95% of it is
just having discretion and being sensitive to when they just need someone to
vent to! Sometimes all they want is a listening ear.
When you’re angry or confused about something, do you want people shoving meaningless advice down your throat? No thanks! A good old ranting session is sometimes the best cure.
Another thing you can do for your friend is to take time out of your day to text them a message or email them to let them know that they’re in your thoughts. I remember a time when I skyped one of my best friends who was going through a really hard time. It was a night that I was exhausted, a little cranky, and the last thing I felt like doing was talking to other people. But it’d been so long since we talked and I really did miss her, so I opened my computer and promptly spent three hours laughing, crying, and doing every crazy thing possible over the screen. We still smile whenever we talk about that skype call. I think we might have broken some sort of video record!
When you’re angry or confused about something, do you want people shoving meaningless advice down your throat? No thanks! A good old ranting session is sometimes the best cure.
Another thing you can do for your friend is to take time out of your day to text them a message or email them to let them know that they’re in your thoughts. I remember a time when I skyped one of my best friends who was going through a really hard time. It was a night that I was exhausted, a little cranky, and the last thing I felt like doing was talking to other people. But it’d been so long since we talked and I really did miss her, so I opened my computer and promptly spent three hours laughing, crying, and doing every crazy thing possible over the screen. We still smile whenever we talk about that skype call. I think we might have broken some sort of video record!
I thought I was being a blessing to her when
really, she was the
one who blessed me more than I can ever repay.
one who blessed me more than I can ever repay.
Let them know that you are with them no matter what. Someone dear to them leaving their lives can bring a lot of insecurities and fears. They will probably be looking to people around them for affirmation and love, and you might just be one of the people they turn to. Also, just the fact that they want to be with you is really special. Try not to pester them with questions about the divorce, unless it’s obvious that they want to talk about it. Keep your questions thoughtful and if you sense them getting defensive and angry, that would probably be a good time to steer the conversation away.
Most importantly, love on them. Divorce is heart breaking and terrible, and
they’re going to need all the support and encouragement they can get. Your friendship will be put to the test, and
you can either run away from the challenge or come alongside them and show them
what it means to truly be a best friend who loves unconditionally!
Eventually, this trouble in their life will pass, but maybe something in your own life will come up. That’s the beauty of friendship; the support and encouragement and love isn’t just one way! With each new challenge you can grow closer in your friendship. It’s been incredible for me to see that first-hand in my own life. One of my dearest friends doesn’t even live in Manhattan, and yet because she trusted me enough to open her heart and talk to me about her struggles and family, I was able to come alongside her and encourage her (and get a mighty dose of encouragement right back J). Our friendship is even stronger than I EVER thought possible.
I’m sure you’ve heard the quote, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass;
it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” Don’t be the friend who leaves them to fend for themselves in the storm. Be the friend who is dancing with them in the rain.
-all images from Favim-
16 comments
Thank you so much for this post! I always feel like I am useless when it comes to encouraging a troubled friend. However, as you have said, simply being a listening ear can be very encouraging! The general advice in this post seems good for any friends in a difficult situation--not just with divorcing parents.
ReplyDeleteIt's so true though! Meaningless words or meaningful silence? Sometimes that's what it can come down to, and I'm glad you've figured that out. :)
DeleteYou're right, this is really great for any relationship crisis. Thanks for pointing that out Kelpie!
This is such an insightful post with really good advice, thank you so much for sharing! I think that figuring out what to say/do that won't come across wrong in these situations is really hard to do sometimes, and this post really helpful.
ReplyDelete<3
It can be really tricky, I know! A lot of responding comes with discernment and really understanding your friend and the situation too:) :) thanks Lauren!! You're so sweet.
DeleteThank you very much for this. I'm kind of in the minority, for a lot of my friends don't have parents who are divorced or go through a divorce (if their parents did, then it had happened when they were really young). I think listening plays a key role when people are dealing with problems, because the person dealing with that issue may or may not have a lot to say but somehow they need to vent it out. This is also helpful when I deal with my friends bickering (which happens a lot).
ReplyDeletexoxo Morning
Yes! A lot of people have been saying the same thing. This can apply to any friendship trouble. Our world could use a whole lot more listening, dontcha think?
DeleteDivorce sounds like one of the worst things to ever have to go through. I've never had to deal with it first hand, and neither have any of my friends. Being an unsocialized homeschooler there are some things I don't really get exposed to, like divorce. But my grandma got divorced twice, and she always said that it was worse than death. It can be hard though to know how to encourage my friends when they're going through a hard time. You have some great tips!
ReplyDeleteDivorce is so devastating, you're absolutely right. It breaks my heart, and can be so hard when I feel like I can't do anything about it. Thanks, Hannah! I hope you can even think about applying these to any of your friends who might be struggling :)
DeleteThis was amazing. Honestly sometimes I feel like I'd just be a bother if I'd go and talk to my friends, but it reality, that's not it at all. Everything you said in this post was so true, and doesn't necessarily just go for divorce situations, but life in general.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Autumn! You dear :)) Yes it definitely takes knowing your friends and really being discerning on whether talking to them about it would be helpful.
DeleteGreat post! It's really nice to see a thoughtful post like this in my feed. I definitely think you have the right approach: be there for them and love on them lots.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sunny! I'm so glad you agree. The thoughtful, deep posts are the hardest to write but some of my favorites I agree :D
Deletedivorce has not directly affected my own life, but these words very much do apply to many situations. :) i can testify that having a friend stay with me, and listen to me, and everything you've said above has taught me so much more about what it truly means to be a friend. thank you for this great reminder!
ReplyDeleteI know!! When people demonstrate true friendship it encourages me and motivates me to do the same in other friendships. ;) :)
DeleteMy best friend is going through divorce right now.This helped me what to say to her now. Thank you.
ReplyDeletejune
All the things you have said here are true. In fact, you couldn't be any more right. Divorce is a tenuous situation; it isn't capriciousness in any way. Most people who go through this do not do so lightly, what with the effort and investment that a marriage entails. It isn't an easy thing to arrive at, so friends and family should approach this with a bit of care, and help those who are going through it to get through it in one piece. Ensure that they aren't broken down and pulled apart by the process, right down to their properties and rights. Anyway, thanks for sharing your thoughts on the matter. Good day!
ReplyDeleteSandra Walker @ Eric Risk
Hey! Person commenting! Yes, you. Wanna know something?
You're kinda awesome.