Everything Wrong With NOAH

Sunday, August 10, 2014

This movie ranks high in the top five worst movies of all time.  ("The adventures of shark boy and lava girl" and "Spy Kids" rank lower then this movie, which should say A LOT)



-Noah's family is helped by a group of fallen angels called "The Watchers" (although some scholars like to point out that fallen angels were hinted at in the passage when it talks about how evil the world had gotten, the Bible never says anything about huge tree-like giants that help Noah construct the ark)
-Two of the sons don't have wives (They should all have had wives)
-Noah and his family adopt a little girl before they begin work on the ark (The Bible never mentions a girl)
First image of Emma Watson in 'Noah'. Not gonna lie, when I first saw the picture I thought they'd photoshopped Emma's head onto a picture of Katniss from The Hunger Games.

-This ark took 15-20 years to build (It was actually over 100 years)
-God is an impersonal force known as 'The Creator' (God is personal, loving, and extremely faithful and good)
-The creation of the world began with The Creator but then morphs into Evolution (Just no.  The world was created in six days by God and God alone!)
-The man who killed Noah's father stows away on the ark and tries to kill Noah (There is never a mention of this man in the Bible)

-Ham wants revenge on Noah as well and plots to kill him (Again with the no mention!)

-Noah is portrayed as cruel, violent man who ends up going insane (Totally opposite the picture of him in Genesis 6 that describes him as a blameless and righteous man!)
-Noah believes God put his family on the ark to only have them all die in the end so the world will be completely clean and fresh.  With this belief he then tries to kill Shem's newborn twin girls!  *most disturbing scene ever* (God wanted to rid the world of evil so he purposely picked Noah to start afresh because he was the only righteous man!!)
-Japheth sends out the dove (Noah should have)

-Mathusaleh (the old man in the above picture) gives Noah a seed that plants an entire forest in a matter of seconds.  (Never happened because Methusaleh should have been dead!)
- Ham leaves the family and goes off on his own and eventually dies alone (Depressing and inaccurate seeing as how he should have had a wife and kids)
-The snakeskin Satan used as a snake in the garden of Eden when he tempted Eve is a symbol of power and blessings being passed down from father to son (Gross, idolistic, and completely wrong! There was never a snakeskin!)
-Noah closes the door of the ark (God should have)

{The seven things} CORRECT WITH NOAH

-The length of the storm
-Three sons
-The evil of the people
-Two of each animal came onto the ark
-Water came up from the earth as well as down from the skies
-In the very end Noah gets drunk and Ham sees him and is cursed
-The rainbow (although God's promise or the symbolism of the rainbow is never mentioned)

This movie left me disturbed, depressed, and very very disappointed.  Now non-Christians who are watching this movie have this wrong image in their minds of how Noah's story is, and then to a greater extent what God is like!
My dad later went and read through Noah's story in Genesis with my brother and I, to remind us and get a clear picture in our minds of how it really happened.  I would not recommend watching this even as entertainment, and I'm rating this as low as is possible. 

1 out of 5 stars. 


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  1. glad to know the wrong things in this movies. I had heard that it was not biblically sound, but now for sure I'm not watching it :)

    1. I was very depressed and disappointed as I came away from watching it. Biblically sound is the farthest thing from accurate in regards to this movie!

    2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7bPCYizcFM
      it's a Christian take on Noah :) Interestingly, it was released the same day as the other Noah movie :D

  2. Well, this is not too surprising considering the director is an atheist. I think people expected too much. I haven't watched it yet, but am not too eager now. Thanks for the post Chloe!


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