I don't think there was one single, distinct moment where I could feel everything around me pause as I realized that this was the place for me.

No, nothing quite that dramatic.  It was more of a blanket sense of peace and purpose, coupled with the gradual sensation that I could someday call this campus my home away from home.

Just this past weekend I drove to Kansas City to compete in a scholarship challenge at Midamerica Nazerene University.  Those 48 hours were a whirlwind, full of tours, interviews, new faces, and collapsing into bed completely exhausted.  Although I knew I would still attend MNU in the fall regardless of the outcome of the weekend, it still felt like a test of sorts.

If this weekend didn't go well, how would that reflect on the next four years I was soon to spend there?  

God is a cool God, really-truly-completely.  As I drove home and reflected on everything that had happened, I realized that I could. not. wait. to come back.

Once I realized that, I started noticing things.  I noticed how easily I could pick up conversation with people there.  I noticed how natural it felt to share a room with a roommate and juggle who was using the bathroom when.  I noticed that the more the day progressed, the more comfortable I felt.



Gone were the fears of who was doing what and the invisible expectations looming over me. 

Instead, I imagined myself in just seven months' time walking across campus, my bright Northface backpack slung across my back, a coffee thermos in my hand, and people milling around me, yelling "hello!!".  and I'll get to be the one who yells it back to them.

I have found that we are creatures of habit, who cringe away from change.

But we are also creations of God who, through his power, can embrace every change.

Why?

because each time we grow a little stronger.  A little more confident.  

Personally, every time I don't have a plan, I can feel my stress levels rise and my heart squeeze tight.  Yet God speaks through the fear and reminds me that He's got it.  He's in charge, and He can't wait to show me Himself in these baby steps outside of my comfort bubble.