Always, I Am A Royal Mess
Thursday, October 01, 2015
When I think about these past few
weeks, a sentence I wrote in my journal comes to mind: I need you. You know that. (I forget that). Busy is normal here, but in the back of my
mind I sometimes wonder what I would do if it ever got to be too bad, too much. Would I snap?
Would I plough through? Would I
make it? *pause for dramatic affect*
Oh yah, I would make it. Peace is an ocean that I could drown in, except for one little detail: God would never let me drown. Even when I feel like I’m sinking under the waves of stress, doubt and fear, He doesn’t hide the fear, He deals with it. He is walking across the water to take my hand every day, cloudy skies and clear. My dear friends ask what He has been teaching me lately, and I want to laugh. If you have three hours I could probably summarize the list. Probably. God is the best (and worst!) teacher because He has this odd habit of taking every situation and giving me an opportunity to grow. Bless Him, He knows I need all the help I can get J
If anything, He is pouring so much grace into my life right now I wonder how it has room to stay. I have left the keys in my car and only found them there hours later, I have griped at my family and justified it, I have felt sick and achy but then complained royally-and I could go on. Every time I turn up the Christian music extra loud because I don’t feel like listening to His voice (because it’s Christian music and so of course it must be good!) I always, without fail, end up back in His arms at the end of the day. Sometimes I’m crying, sometimes I’m pouting. Always, I am a mess. As if He cares! All He wants is me, ALL OF ME, every last yucky bit. ‘Fessing up when I know I’m in the wrong is a painfully beautiful process. God knows every sin and yet still listens like a patient parent to their little five year old, who just won’t stop blabbering. “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.” -Isaiah 49:15
I am cherished. I am graced with compassion. I am remembered. I am learning what it means to rest in His grace, and it is a wonderful thing.
Oh yah, I would make it. Peace is an ocean that I could drown in, except for one little detail: God would never let me drown. Even when I feel like I’m sinking under the waves of stress, doubt and fear, He doesn’t hide the fear, He deals with it. He is walking across the water to take my hand every day, cloudy skies and clear. My dear friends ask what He has been teaching me lately, and I want to laugh. If you have three hours I could probably summarize the list. Probably. God is the best (and worst!) teacher because He has this odd habit of taking every situation and giving me an opportunity to grow. Bless Him, He knows I need all the help I can get J
If anything, He is pouring so much grace into my life right now I wonder how it has room to stay. I have left the keys in my car and only found them there hours later, I have griped at my family and justified it, I have felt sick and achy but then complained royally-and I could go on. Every time I turn up the Christian music extra loud because I don’t feel like listening to His voice (because it’s Christian music and so of course it must be good!) I always, without fail, end up back in His arms at the end of the day. Sometimes I’m crying, sometimes I’m pouting. Always, I am a mess. As if He cares! All He wants is me, ALL OF ME, every last yucky bit. ‘Fessing up when I know I’m in the wrong is a painfully beautiful process. God knows every sin and yet still listens like a patient parent to their little five year old, who just won’t stop blabbering. “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.” -Isaiah 49:15
I am cherished. I am graced with compassion. I am remembered. I am learning what it means to rest in His grace, and it is a wonderful thing.
6 comments
I love this SO MUCH, Chloe! Life has been so crazy lately, this is a perfect reminder:)
ReplyDeleteawfeeglegial. ohman. God...is beyond amazing. He works every detail out. I cannot believe his grace. We are messes. We are. And...does he need us? No. But do we need him? Yeah. Oh my goodness, yes. We need him because we are messes and I... i can't even figure it out. He is always good. ♥♥ I loved this post, Chloe!
ReplyDeleteLOVE this Chloe!! Just what I needed to read tonight. 😊
ReplyDeleteThis is such a nice reminder and I totally needed it! I've been kind of a mess this month and I'm trying to keep it in my head and learn how to lean on God when I just...can't anymore. You always make me smile. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly what I needed to hear, Chloe. :) That God doesn't need me to get my life together before to coming to Him, and that it's okay with Him for me to be a mess is something I constantly need reminding of. Thank you! <3
ReplyDeleteOh sweet, sweet Chloe. What sparked an interest in me to look on your page today is well beyond me. But this is just what I needed right now. A dear, sweet blessing you are to me, my friend. Thank you :) Love you darlin', hope all is well! :)
ReplyDeleteHey! Person commenting! Yes, you. Wanna know something?
You're kinda awesome.